Separated parents: who has the kids this Christmas?

Here is our advice for making the best of a family Christmas, despite difficult times.

Talk with your partner

Firstly, try and talk to your partner.  This may not always be possible for safety reasons, but if you and your partner are on relatively amicable terms, try and agree plans as far in advance as possible.  It is no good discovering on the 23^rd December you both have different plans involving your child on the same day.

Don’t assume your plans will simply fit in with that of your partner, check with a calendar or diary that your plans can be accommodated. Confirm plans in writing to ensure all arrangements are clearly understood between you.

Put the child first

Christmas is about your child, not about the parents. It is often a good idea to try and ensure your child has an enjoyable Christmas with both sets of parents.  Alternate arrangements from year to year, so the child gets to spend Christmas Day with one parent one year, and the other one the next.  Try and ensure some balance and recognise that it is rarely a good idea to ask your child (especially a young child) to decide the arrangements. Children look to their parents to take the lead in such sensitive decisions.

Try mediation or arbitration – it’s quick and cost-effective

If you cannot agree, consider mediation or arbitration as an alternative to court.

Mediation is a process that is designed to help couples to reach a consensus.

Arbitration differs from mediation.  If parties cannot agree an outcome in the arbitration process, the arbiter will make the decision for the parties.  If parties cannot agree an outcome in mediation, they must be referred to another process as the mediator cannot decide for the parties.

Both processes can be set up swiftly.  Meetings often take place online via a video call, which further increases the speed of resolution.  It is a cost-effective means of resolving disagreements quickly.

Court as a last resort

If all else fails, the Court can decide what arrangements are put in place.  This is not to be undertaken lightly. There is a significant cost to court proceedings, and often courts can make orders that disappoint both parties; with no one getting what they want.

Court requires parties to have tried very hard to resolve matters between themselves prior to starting court proceedings.  A disagreement over Christmas Day is unlikely to be seen as an emergency matter for the courts, so it is wise to start talking to your former partner as soon as possible about Christmas arrangements.

We hope these suggestions help you make the most out of the festive celebrations.

Friendly advice and support

If you would like to discuss any concerns you have regarding arrangements for your children at Christmas then please contact Jonathan Miller, Senior Solicitor, Family Private Department at Alsters Kelley on 01926 356057 or email jonathan.miller@alsterskelley.com.