Love bombing: Unmasking the sweet deception

The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has recently modified its recommendations for prosecuting domestic abusers who employ “love-bombing” strategies to confound and subdue their victims.

In this blog, we’ll discuss this phenomenon, how to recognise the signs, and how our solicitors can help. 

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by some individuals to gain control and influence over their partners. The concept has become more widely known through recent visibility in the media, thanks in part to its recent inclusion in the TV series Emmerdale. 

The bomber overwhelms their partner with a flood of attention and lavish gifts, leading them to feel special, loved, and valued. The rush of dopamine and endorphins that love bombing brings can give the recipient a real self-esteem boost.

But once the bomber has gained your trust and complete dependence, the manipulation and abuse begin. The same person who once made you feel like royalty begins to belittle, devalue, and control you.

Love bombing falls under the umbrella of emotional abuse, which is a serious matter in the eyes of the law.

Emotional abuse can have profound and lasting effects on an individual’s well-being, and it is something that the court recognises in divorce cases and other legal proceedings involving relationships.

How does the love bombing cycle work?

Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse. 

It works because when someone showers you with excessive love, attention, or gifts, you feel obligated to reciprocate by giving them your affection and loyalty, even if you sense some huge red flags.

The love bombing cycle begins when the bomber gains control over your emotions. Once they’ve gained this control (and benefited from the resulting ego-boost) they no longer find value in your relationship, and begin the process of withdrawal.

It is during this withdrawal phase that emotional abuse begins. This may take the form of insults, gaslighting, and other behaviours that are designed to invalidate and devalue you.

The love bomber is entirely aware of the control they have in your relationship. They may decide to walk away at any time, in the full understanding that they can return at any time to continue the love bombing cycle.

How can Alsters Kelley Solicitors help?

If you find yourself entangled in a love bombing situation within a marriage or partnership, it is essential to consult with a solicitor who specialises in family law or divorce cases, such as ourselves at Alsters Kelley. Your solicitor will be instrumental in helping you navigate the legal complexities and protect your rights.

Your solicitor will provide guidance and support in a divorce case, helping you document instances of emotional abuse like love bombing. They’ll assist in gathering evidence, such as communications and witness testimonies. Together, you’ll develop a strategy that focuses on your best interests, ensuring your rights are represented effectively in court. Your solicitor is there to support you throughout the process. They will advocate for your well-being and pursue a fair resolution, whether it involves divorce, separation, child custody, or financial matters.

Remember, emotional abuse, including love bombing, is not to be taken lightly. It can have a profound impact on your mental health, self-esteem, and overall quality of life. Seeking legal assistance is an important step towards reclaiming your autonomy and finding a path towards healing and recovery.

Signs of love bombing

Being able to spot the key signs of love bombing is crucial to protect yourself from emotional harm. Here are some love bombing examples to keep an eye out for:

Intense and immediate action

Love bombers often invest a huge amount of time and attention in their partners from the outset. 

You may find yourself bombarded with phone calls and texts, filled with sweet words and cute emojis. 

They may surprise you with extravagant gifts and even expensive holidays. 

In summary, a love bomber will do everything they can to make you feel like the centre of their universe.

Flattery will get you everywhere

Love bombing typically involves excessive praise and flattery. This is done with the intention of making the recipient feel special and valued. 

Compliments are normal in a healthy relationship, but it’s important to note that too many can be a red flag.

Fast mover

If your partner is pushing you to progress your relationship to the next level, or declares their love for you after a very short period of time, this could be a classic love bombing example.

Over-the-top gestures such as suggesting to move in could be used as a tactic to win your trust and devotion quickly.

These grand moves can accelerate the emotional connection, and leave little room for your relationship to evolve naturally.

Isolation from others

Love bombers typically attempt to isolate their partners from their support network. They do this in order to make their victim entirely dependent upon them.

You may find that your partner often criticises your friends and family, making it hard for you to seek help or advice.

Difference between love bombing and honeymoon phase

Love bombing can easily be confused with the (completely normal) honeymoon phase of a relationship. 

The honeymoon phase is the period at the start of a new relationship that is characterised by intense feelings of passion, excitement and infatuation. It typically lasts for a few months, and gradually transitions into a stable and realistic long-term connection.

Love bombing, on the other hand, is one-sided, manipulative behaviour that aims to control and exploit the other person’s emotions.

How long does love bombing last?

The love bombing cycle can vary in its duration from person to person. Sometimes it may last for just a few weeks or months, and in other cases it can go on for years.

Ultimately, the barrage of attention, gifts and praise will continue until the manipulative individual feels that they have gained control over their partner’s emotions and behaviour.

As soon as they’ve succeeded in this, they are likely to abruptly withdraw from the relationship, leaving their victim feeling lost, empty, and confused.

The long-term impact of love bombing

Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse, and it can have lasting consequences on a person’s wellbeing.

Victims may experience a range of negative emotions, including confusion, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. They may even find themselves questioning their own perceptions and judgement.

It’s common for victims of love bombing to struggle with trust issues, often making it challenging for them to establish healthy relationships in the future.

Protect yourself and seek support

Do you suspect that you may be a victim of love bombing? Or perhaps you have experienced this manipulative relationship behaviour in the past. Either way, it’s vital that you seek support to help you heal, whether through counselling, support groups, or obtaining legal advice.

To discuss your options with Shelley De’Worringham, Solicitor and Head of the Family Law Department, email shelley.deworringham@alsterskelley.com, or call 01926 356000. 

There can be a lot to think about, and we appreciate that the unknown costs can be somewhat daunting. Therefore, we offer an initial fixed fee meeting for £300 plus VAT (20%). 

During the initial meeting, you will meet with one of our experienced and understanding family lawyers who will listen to your situation and discuss your concerns in detail with you, providing tailored advice specific to your circumstances. 

Alternatively, if you would prefer to discuss your options generally, before proceeding with a fixed fee meeting, we offer a free ‘options’ call lasting up to 30 minutes.